Depressed.

I just wish I can follow all my close friends wherever they are now, and wherever they are going. Finishing Junior College in less than half a year. Next year is university, and I'm just scared about it, of what, why, I dunno. I'm getting the addiction to be just alone, without any friends around. I hate loneliness. I do enjoy company. However, it just seems that loneliness is covering me more and more, stronger and stronger. Life is becoming sadder. Life is turning darker. Why.why. I'm finding that reason why, but it seems there is no reason to it. It's just the nature. The nature of what. the nature of me. My self. There are more to my self that I wish I can be. It's always a challenge for me to see things, to feel things, to sense things in an optimistic light. Yet, the pessimist me always outweigh the positive force. My mind is not working properly. It's empty. There is no activity.
Weird it is, looking at all the posts I have posted. One post is happy, the next is sad. One post is in light. One post is dark. Haiz, don't know, why am I always like this. Harris, why?