Offer by NUS.

Got the application result for NUS today (Sat 29 Apr). Got in my first choice: faculty of science.

Clubbing.

Last night I went clubbing with Cass and Gladys at Ministry of Sound. It was my first time there and third time clubbing. The place was generally nice. They have different areas to suit your comfort and interest.

We went to the hip-hop area. At first, there was no one dancing in the dance area, so we too dare not went in..But after sometime, there were people so we joined in. The only thing less satisfactory was the songs. They were not very hip-hop and somehow don't make you "high" enough. But well, I can't believe we dance till the club close with very little rest (like only around 20 minutes, to go out and buy drink). My legs were very tired. It was like my thighs and calves gonna be disconnected cos my knee (acting as a connector) come out. I was intending to walk home after that, but my legs couldn't make it, so took a cab. Hehehe.

Once I reached home, I decided not to sleep, cos I want to go to the bank in the morning. This plan has been delayed for don't know how many weeks already. So I continue watching my anime (prince of tennis). By 7am, I couldn't take it anymore..so tired and sleepy. So i went to sleep....I set my alarm clock at t10am, but before that my guardian woke me up cos he wanted my passport and student's pass to extend my visit pass in Singapore. I thought, I wouldn't go to sleep and go to the bank, but sleep won in the end. So I woke up at 3pm. I skipped lunch.

I was deciding to go swim since the weather was quite nice (it didn't rain). But I felt too tired to even travel. So there goes the good weather.

Delight.

The feeling of uneasiness that I screwed up the SMU admission interview is finally over. Today, I received the letter from SMU admission office, and I have been offered admission to SMU's Bachelor of Social Science programme (my first choice for SMU) for academic year 2006-07 :)

I have up to 5 June to accept the offer. So hopefully, the other two universities gave their outcome way before it.

Irony. Retributions. Rewards.

Has life ever been simple? Recently, it struck me to come to think that life (suppose to be simple) seems so complex because it consists of endless ironies, retributions and rewards. There are many, countless, times when we set out to do something, something else happen. There are times when we comment, compliment, praise or insult someone but in actual fact we mean the otherwise. Often, we put someone on a pedestal but all that respect we gave was in return to use that person. Sometimes, we abuse the beauty of friendship and give birth to backstabbing and silent hatred. And so frequent that we do not even realise, we contradict ourselves, our actions - what we say earlier and what we say later, what we do earlier and what we do later, what we say we gonna do and the actual action that we carry out. Irony.

Of those ironies, they often landed to retributions. Along the journey of life, somehow we experience problems, heartache, painful memories. These torture happen due to a cause. Subtle as it is, the cause is often something (or something similar) that ourselves have done before - not necessarily to the same person or object that causing us pain but to other people. We are therefore experiencing the pain that we have caused others. But many the times, we do not realise that those pain is what you produce in others, and often we just blame and curse the person that cause us the pain. We hardly converge the problem that perhaps it is a retribution.

Similar to retributions, of course there are rewards. Every good deeds that we have done, will end up in our rewards in the future. The rewards may be direct or indirect. Often, it is subtle. When we indulge in our happiness, it may be because we have given happiness to others.

The above is just some thoughts that happen to linger in my brain. They may not be true. But yet, it is often what I feel or observe.

And to end this entry, are we here for a purpose? Do our lives have meaning?

Dinner at Pizza Hut

Met Celestina, Eunice and Xiang Rong today for dinner at Pizza Hut in Tampines. Hadn't seen Celes and Eunice since the release of the A level results. The dinner was supposed to be small gathering before Xiang Rong has to go serve the country. It was fun and nostalgic. Can't stop laughing when Celes told us bout her classmates. The funniest one was the part: two of her classmates calling each other "twit", and how the guys always bully one of the "twit" girl, calling her chicken. Also got another one called banana, till Celes admit she doesn't even know the girl's real name. It was lame and funny, so childish. Hahahaha....Overall, the dinner was enjoyable.

After dinner, we took neoprints. When time to decorate the photos, we had hard times decorating and the time was running out. In the end, the time runs out, and when we were supposed to choose the photos, the computer already chose for us. And the best thing was, all those that we had decorated, only 2 of them were chosen. So most of the printed neoprints are plain as it is. Hahaha.

I was having nice time with them. Hope to get together soon. Keep in touch yah.

huh?

Sorry for the no updates. I have no inspiration coming.
haha.

Willpower

Have you ever realised what you want to do in your life but somehow feel lazy to achieve it? Have you ever felt that you only able to see the outcome but run away from the difficult time-consuming process? Have you ever wished your dream come true magically when you wake up tomorrow? Have you ever felt like giving up?

All those questions are no strangers to me.

Last night, when once again I did not straight drift to my sleep, thoughts flooded my mind. And these thoughts were mainly bout my strength - not physical strength, but mental. There are times when I so urgently want to change the little little flaws within me. Every new year be it the changing of calendar year or my age, I promise myself to change. From the surface, all can't see this flaw. Only myself know, and I certainly want to change. However, always I failed. It was only last night that I realise why I failed, time and time again. I realised that I do not possess willpower strong enough to overcome all the distractions, disturbance, temptation, or whatsoever you call it.

Whatever we want to achieve, it often only lands in thoughts, decision, dream. What most of us lack is the willpower to pursue that dream. The urge to strive harder, forgetting the past, learning from mistakes. And the toughest of all is to overcome temptation that disturbs and provide obstacles to that light you want to grab at the end of the tunnel. To exercise willpower you need to choose to do it. It's all bout choice. I chose to change myself to the better (as how I want others to see and respect, and most importantly as how I want to see and respect). But what I never choose is to grab hold of my willpower, strengthen and enlarge it, and consume it. There are too, dreams, so many of them, that even I confuse which one actually suits me. But what? I am lazy. Lazy to go through the process. Lazy to do it by myself. And that is lack in willpower.

It is a no wonder why the saying goes "when there is a will, there is a way". Life is about choices. There is no such thing as destiny. It is the choice we made that forms our destiny. To survive life. To change for the better. To see the dreams you, I ever wish for. Willpower. Strengthen it.